Never Tease a Torpedoman
Since 07-10-07
Submarine
Research Center (SRC) Bulletin 68
July, 2007
http://www.submarineresearch.com/bull68.html
SRC recently conducted a straw pole of submarine rates to determine which rate was the most troublesome and which the most amiable. The rate coming in first on the amicability list was that of radioman. Those behind the closed door of the radio shack were judged to be quiet, efficient and amenable to the routine of the wardroom. At the other end of the spectrum were the torpedo men who were regarded as cantankerous, clandestine and, at times, devious. Those contributing to this survey were unable to give a reason for this phenomenon of human behavior, other to say that it seemed to be a tradition.
Poking fun at fellow enlisted men was the daily diet of torpedo men who were often to be found drinking coffee in the crews mess. This mundane diversion was punctuated from time to time by pranks played on officers. Of course, the captain and XO were out-of-bounds as were the ops officer and engineer. These were senior lieutenants who wore gold dolphins and thereby commanded a respect that even torpedo man honored.
Occasionally, the submarine might carry midshipmen and these poor souls had overflowing plates of curiosity and admiration for every submariner, even torpedoman. These also were immune from the torpedo manica skullduggery. This left the junior officers who resided in boys' town in the starboard side of the forward battery. Without dolphins nor any knowledge beyond basic submarine school, they were fair game for the inventive minds of torpedo men.
Three examples will be sufficient to make the point. On Sir ago (SS-485) a torpedoman striker had been assigned to chip and paint the sail. The young man knew his weekend was shot and so dawdled at chipping rust spots and red-leading the exposed spots. For reasons that escaped his fellow crew members he painted a giant red-lead swastika on the outboard side of the sail. Another crew member with considerable authority saw the Nazi emblem and immediately put the man on report.
The swastika was obliterated and the seaman went before the captain who restricted the man to the boat for a month. But that wasn't the end of the affair, because the torpedoman striker vowed to get even. When the senior petty officer who had put him on report came aboard drunk the following Sunday the seaman had the topside watch. The petty officer left with a case of frozen steaks and was picked up by marines at the gate. No one knew who had tipped off the marines, and no one waved to the petty officer as he left the boat for the last time, accompanied by a marine guard.
On Wahoo (SS-565) boys' town had a lieutenant, a j.g. and an ensign. The lieutenant was qualified, but the ensign and j.g. were fair game. As it turned out, the ensign was so dumb, tricks and pranks sank into him like forks in mush. On the other hand the j.g., being full of starch from his academy days was prime meat for the torpedomen. When the j.g. relieved the OD on the bridge for the mid-watch his bunk was removed and placed in the freeze locker.
Five minutes before the officer turned into his bunk at 0400 it was replaced. This required a good deal of stealth and the dumb ensign in the lower bunk slept through the maneuver. The j.g.'s fingers stuck to the frozen bunk rail and the sheets were as solid as wood. He cursed and spent the morning hours stretched out in the wardroom until awakened by stewards. Nothing was said of the incident. For the officer it was humiliating and for the suspected torpedomen it was too delicious to speak of in public.
A torpedoman who served aboard an early nuclear powered submarine said that the favorite target of pranks was a j.g. named Jimmy Carter. This officer spent all his time peering into every nook and cranny as he learned the details of his submarine for the qualification process. He hardly spoke to fellow officers and never stooped to converse with torpedomen who respected his brilliance, but detested his arrogance. Try as they might, the officer side-stepped every planned piece of skullduggery cooked up by the most innovative of the torpedomen. At last the torpedomen gave up and turned their attention on someone else.
The j.g. on Wahoo not only qualified in submarines, but went on to become a vice admiral. The Wahoo torpedomen like to think they had something to do with teaching the young officer about life, namely, that respect is earned, in part, from humility. To this day that officer is regarded with warm affection as a regular guy by every veteran Wahoo torpedoman. Of course, the nuclear powered officer went on to become president and this may also have been due in part to the lessons learned in out-maneuvering the wily torpedomen.